Archive for ‘family’

July 23, 2013

Vulnerable

I have feelings.

All kinds of different feelings that go through my mind and heart everyday, just like you. My feelings for today have been how much I wish I could spend more time with my wife and daughter. Wishing that I could call in a sick day and spend it with them-all day long! Not that I wanted to go anywhere special or do much of anything except just BE there and listen and smile and laugh and enjoy moments. I feel like life is going too fast at times. I feel like my daughter’s 1 year birthday last weekend came so fast in this past year.

I feel like time is going fast and slow at times. I don’t feel like I’m not spending the time with my family of doing what I love to do, just that irregardless I feel like time is slipping away. I know time is one of the most precious gifts we get daily and don’t take advantage of. My motto: Carpe Diem holds true this day. Seize the day. What would I do? Where would I go? My only thought that lingers is being with my family. Seeing their pretty happy faces. My girls. I love them so.

What do you feel?

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October 14, 2011

Bi-Polar Disease

I am not a person of complete understanding of this particular disease, but I do know that my sister Salana has it. This post is more about my on again/ off again relationship with her.

I love my sister, as I always have and with that has come lots of pain and sadness. You see, I believe she has Bi-Polar disease. I know for sure that she takes medication for it, I think it’s Zoloft which is some form of an upper when she gets down or is down. I don’t really understand it completely again, but I’m sure looking it up on webMD would give me plenty of information in a matter of minutes on it.

The sad part is how much she has hurt me in the past few years. It’s been very hard to deal with personally because I never wanted our relationship to be tenuous and strained. I really can’t put a particular finger on when/where it all started, but what I do know is more of recent events. In particular, my wedding. She and her husband were invited to the wedding, but she wasn’t an active participant of the ceremony therefore she was not invited to the rehearsal dinner. Well her feelings were hurt I presume, when after she asked me if she could come I explained that she couldn’t, but could spend time afterwards at the house with the family if she wanted. Now she wasn’t the only family excluded, others were as well, but that doesn’t matter to her, because it’s all about her, even though it’s MY WEDDING!

Then she comes to the wedding and sits in the furthest back pews away from the family and not in the first 3 rows that were reserved for family. Then she was about to leave after the ceremony and we had to practically drag her out of the foyer before she left, to bring her in to take pictures with “THE FAMILY”, which obviously she didn’t want to be a part of I guess. Then at the rehearsal dinner, and even after the pictures were taken, not her or her husband Chris, EVER said one word to Heather or myself. Never a Congrats or I’m so happy or anything. ON top of that, she left the reception dinner right after the dinner was served and again never said a word to Heather nor I, just left…

My Birthday was last monday the 10th and I didn’t even get a text or phone call from her either. What kind of person/sister is that, to treat family this way?

This is just a small part of how she has acted towards me and Heather(MY WIFE) for at least the last 3+ years and mostly just me.

I have tried to reach out to her and be supportive and in turn expect the same back from her and her husband, but it’s the same ‘ole with them.

So that’s my turbulent situation with my sister like I said and it’s been that way for TOO LONG. Sad, but true. I partially blame the disease, but I also blame her for allowing herself to give in to being ugly towards me and others as well.

I pray that it would improve one day, but until then, sometimes not saying anything at all is just as well too.

June 4, 2010

family reunion

I went this last weekend to Canyon Lake, where the annual Howell Family Reunion is held at my aunt Eva’s home.  It was a nice and small group of us that were there.  It was enjoyable and relaxing.  Robbie, Jane, Linda, Heather, Bruce, Brian, Lois and Me were all in attendance as well as one of Eva’s friends.  We spent the night and relaxed, gazing at the stars, watching deer walk around the shrubbery, seeing scorpions at night, smelling the fresh clean air and enjoying our family’s company. 

We drove back on Sunday and stopped by Gruene, Texas and ate at the Gristmill.  Love that restaurant!  Then headed on in to Houston.

Great time with the family.  I always enjoy putting the family BUSH together again and remembering how we are all related to each other again.  Good times!

June 2, 2010

Prayer for this day

“Men would pray better if they lived better.  They would get more from God if they lived more obedient and well-pleasing to God”  –  E.M. Bounds

Now I’m not saying I’m perfect at all…but what does it mean to live ‘more obedient and well please to God’?  That’s a question we all need to ask ourselves.  I believe that we need Jesus and we are all going to fail and God knows this too.  The key and issue here is what are we going to do today to be better towards and for God?  I need to strive more to be that way!

With recent family circumstances/issues, it’s hard to say positive things about people all the time.  People are hurtful and not saying or expressing how I feel, represses feelings deep and I don’t want to do that because it’s not healthy.  So, I let them out and share these issues with friends and family and try to move on.  I release the pain and hurt and give it to God and get it off my chest.  I ask for forgiveness and get better and refocus. 

I don’t find it easy to live this life on a daily basis. 

I find it a struggle at many times.  Not so much of the life that I have, but the people who continually amaze me by their words and thoughts and comments and ways.  I don’t know why I get surprised by people still today after years of dealing with people.  You would think that it’s something that you get used to, but it’s not unfortunately.

Life is funny and deals you different problems all the time.  Sometimes the dealings aren’t so kind from words from family that hurt to the core!  You would think that people close to you would know you well enough not to say things that you know aren’t true, yet astoundingly, they hurt and these people are fogged by one thing or another.  Not sure what the fog happens to be but fog nonetheless.

Then a wonderful conversation occurs with another loved one and reaffirms the wonderful person you are and helps things seem better.

I persevere through it all because HE loves me and takes care of me and blesses me constantly! 

Thank you Father God almighty, that no matter what happens here on earth, you love me unconditionally. In Jesus’ name I thank you for that love Father.  Amen.

And whatsoever we ask, we receive of Him, because we keep His commandments, and do those things that are pleasing in His sight. – 1 John 3:22

October 19, 2009

wedding

I went to Erik & Corinne’s wedding on Saturday evening.  It was a beautiful day to get married for sure.  You couldn’t have planned it any better.  It was at Lindsey Lakes, and this was the 2nd time I had been there this year for a wedding…too funny.  Anyway, the wedding went off perfectly, the ceremony was outside and then we had the reception inside the place.  I saw lots of folks I hadn’t seen since the divorce, including Angie and many of her co-workers.  They were all nice to me though, which I was happy about.  I don’t think there’s reason not to be, but you never know.  All good though.  It was a real nice time and I am very happy for both Erik & Corinne!!

My brother was in town for a few days as well and we saw the U2 concert on Wednesday evening, which was Spectacular!!!  The Muse opened up as well and they were great too!  He hung out with me for a few days and then he had to leave before the wedding on Saturday evening.  Good times bro, love you!!

It was my sister’s birthday on Saturday as well and we haven’t been speaking for a few months because I want a more loving and respectful sister than she has been and don’t want things to be the same as they have been all my life.  I want a change in the relationship and I don’t think that it seems possible.  Prayers.  We both texted each other Happy Birthday since our birthdays are both 1 week apart.  My nephew didn’t text me on my birthday which was sad, but I guess because he’s 18 and out-of-town and off at college it’s expected???

Life is what it is.  I just keep on trucking, as my Pastor Godfrey said in his sermon yesterday, PERSEVERE and put one foot in front of the other.